7 June 2013

Week Three of Merchantman: ScifiFanSat!



Welcome to another edition of SciFi Fantasy Saturday - our little web-ring of fab SciFi & Fantasy writers and posters. Check out snippets from other SFFS authors here: scififansat.blogspot.ca.

Posting from my WiP
THE GIRLS FROM ALCYONE: MERCHANTMAN
(a novelette from the world of Alcyone)

The Girls From Alcyone is the continuing story of two very special girls who find themselves at the heart of a conflict spanning more than forty worlds.

LAST WEEK: Sigrid was just pulling up to Konoe Station in time to see the very swanky freighter arrive. Now, Sigrid visits a Gentleman's club where she comes face to face with the Merchantman himself, Corbin Price.
read part one here
read part two here

Part Three of Merchantman: 


Sigrid scanned the room. The man they sought was here, this trader, leader of the Merchantmen. He occupied a table on a raised platform to the rear overlooking the club. He was fat, rolls of pudgy flesh billowed out between the folds of his trousers and his shirt. The vile cologne he wore threatened to overwhelm her sensors from across the room. Worse odors lingered.
Two girls sat to either side of him, barely aware of their surroundings; drugged, Sigrid knew. The morphgesic cocktail in their bloodstream registered heavily in her PCM. It was a miracle the girls were conscious. Tired eyes looked up at her as she approached, suspicious, leery, their thin hands clinging to the fat man at their side and the coin he promised.



If you're curious to read more, I've posted the entire rough draft of Merchantman here (notice the link up top!). I'm also happy to email you a Kindle copy if you'd like.

 Cheers, Cary!

Posted by at

26 comments:

  1. T. M. Hunter8 June 2013 at 04:43

    Great snippet...love the description. I think this guy and my randomly-appearing Tabor Yurick would get along quite well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous8 June 2013 at 05:46

    Great! I had a real picture of the scene in front of her for all the senses. She'd best not drink anything while she's there!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey8 June 2013 at 06:32

      Not drink! But what about the complimentary tequila shots?

      Delete
  3. Heidi Ruby Miller8 June 2013 at 06:22

    Cary, wow! What a scene. Totally set the mood with all those cool details.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey8 June 2013 at 06:30

      I noticed you TEASED us this week - signing up then withdrawing!

      Delete
    2. TK Toppin8 June 2013 at 06:31

      Yes, she did! Shame on her. Spanks...you can do it Cary. ;P

      Delete
  4. TK Toppin8 June 2013 at 06:22

    Brilliantly ick and vividly done. The kind of place that can infiltrate into your pores. I can almost smell it too... (Had a read of your full story..good stuff, as always!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey8 June 2013 at 06:31

      Villains are always a hoot to write. The more 'ick' the merrier!

      Delete
  5. Anonymous8 June 2013 at 07:19

    Awesome imagery. The guy gives me the creeps. I hate him already--all in less than 10 sentences. Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Unknown8 June 2013 at 08:05

    I really liked the description of the merchant boss and his overwhelming presence. I could almost smell the nasty cologne wafting off him from here!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey8 June 2013 at 08:20

      I feel this way about all cologne. lol. *ugh*

      Delete
  7. JC Cassels8 June 2013 at 08:33

    What a delightfully unctuous fellow! Reminds me of my ex-husband. I not-so-fondly called him "The Opportunistic Man-Child Whale." He of course called me "Moon-Faced Troll." You can, of course, see why we're exes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey8 June 2013 at 11:30

      I had to look up unctuous (yes, I am that much of a literary dolt), but apparently it means just like it sounds like it means!

      Oh, and I'm glad you said ex-husband. I wouldn't want to hear about you living with anyone who would DARE call you a moon-faced troll. *stupid man-child whale...*

      Delete
  8. J.M. Blackman8 June 2013 at 08:45

    This was an icky snippet overall: the visual, the scents, the atmosphere. You do a good job of making the Merchantman repulsive. He's giving off strong Jabba the Hutt vibes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey8 June 2013 at 11:27

      Those crazy Hutts! Perhaps I'll have to get Sigrid into a bikini and have her give his throat a good throttling before the end.

      Delete
  9. Patrick Stutzman8 June 2013 at 09:06

    Worse scents than his cologne? I can only imagine. I'm with Ms. Blackman; this guy comes across as a Human version of a Hutt. Does he have a deep laugh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey8 June 2013 at 11:25

      Well, I had to make sure no one confuses him with my other bad guy in the book who looks just like Grand Moff Tarkin.

      Delete
  10. T. M. Crone8 June 2013 at 09:48

    I knew a few boss men like that in my time. Excellent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey8 June 2013 at 11:31

      I worked with someone who looked like him, except I was the boss. Hmm...I'm not sure what that says about me, now...

      ;)

      Delete
  11. S.A. Check8 June 2013 at 18:28

    morphgesic cocktail? Is that anything like a Shirley Temple? Great descriptions and really set the vibe, "entertainment" laced with desperation and sadness. Looking forward to the exchange with her sit down with him.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous9 June 2013 at 11:47

    Like everyone else said, this was very descriptive. Those poor girls...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Pippa Jay12 June 2013 at 02:43

    As I read this, I heard a voice in my head saying 'You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.' Ugh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cary Caffrey12 June 2013 at 04:34

      You hear that voice? I hear that voice! I've had that since 1977! (I was worried I was just imagining it).

      Delete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)